Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Watching From Above
Chris and I had heard from numerous people that the movie "Marley and Me" was so good. We had heard that it was sad, and we just assumed that dog died at the end. What we didn't expect was for the couple to go to the doctor and not find her baby's heartbeat, then to pull up the US machine of the baby without a beating heart. Chris and I freaked out. We were so baffled that no one would tell us that we probably shouldn't see the movie. Although in the movie she was only ten weeks, the fear and feelings all came flooding back. I sat there the entire rest of the movie with sweaty palms, a rapid heartbeat, and my brain reliving our terrible moment over and over again. Then to top it off with the ending, it made me even more sad. I was a basket case. As I sat there and cried, all I could think about is "Why does death have to be so scary and sad?" "Why does God's plan involve losing loved people, animals, and things?" Luckily I was able to relax and find some peace before sleeping, but the questions are unknown mysteries.
I have come to realize the past few days that when Chris and my mom told me that everything would be okay with Preslie (while I was pregnant) that they were right. Yes, I said it. Preslie is better than alright. She is with our maker, and all the loved ones that have past. She is doing her work there while we do our work here. Does this mean I miss her any less? No. I have missed her so much this past week, that there hasn't been a day go by where I haven't just ached and mourned for her. Chris has really been sad the past few days as well. The love that he has for his daughter brings tears to my eyes. He told me that as he was walking home today, all he could think about was when he ran home the day Preslie died. How he use to look forward to going home and seeing Preslie and I playing together, and waiting for him to arrive.
Preslie is still waiting for us to come home, but we have more to do here. Each day I feel a little bit stronger then the last. I don't feel like I can put my whole foot in 100% yet, but I hope over more time I will be able to. I am grateful for the life and love Preslie gave to me, and for the short time that I was able to spend with her. I know she is always looking down on Chris and I, and that she is our guardian angel. I can feel when she misses me, and when she tells me she loves me. I know that especially today she is really missing Chris. Preslie lives, she really does. I know it.
Posted by Rylie at 2:56 PM