Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Watching From Above



Chris and I had heard from numerous people that the movie "Marley and Me" was so good. We had heard that it was sad, and we just assumed that dog died at the end. What we didn't expect was for the couple to go to the doctor and not find her baby's heartbeat, then to pull up the US machine of the baby without a beating heart. Chris and I freaked out. We were so baffled that no one would tell us that we probably shouldn't see the movie. Although in the movie she was only ten weeks, the fear and feelings all came flooding back. I sat there the entire rest of the movie with sweaty palms, a rapid heartbeat, and my brain reliving our terrible moment over and over again. Then to top it off with the ending, it made me even more sad. I was a basket case. As I sat there and cried, all I could think about is "Why does death have to be so scary and sad?" "Why does God's plan involve losing loved people, animals, and things?" Luckily I was able to relax and find some peace before sleeping, but the questions are unknown mysteries.

I have come to realize the past few days that when Chris and my mom told me that everything would be okay with Preslie (while I was pregnant) that they were right. Yes, I said it. Preslie is better than alright. She is with our maker, and all the loved ones that have past. She is doing her work there while we do our work here. Does this mean I miss her any less? No. I have missed her so much this past week, that there hasn't been a day go by where I haven't just ached and mourned for her. Chris has really been sad the past few days as well. The love that he has for his daughter brings tears to my eyes. He told me that as he was walking home today, all he could think about was when he ran home the day Preslie died. How he use to look forward to going home and seeing Preslie and I playing together, and waiting for him to arrive.

Preslie is still waiting for us to come home, but we have more to do here. Each day I feel a little bit stronger then the last. I don't feel like I can put my whole foot in 100% yet, but I hope over more time I will be able to. I am grateful for the life and love Preslie gave to me, and for the short time that I was able to spend with her. I know she is always looking down on Chris and I, and that she is our guardian angel. I can feel when she misses me, and when she tells me she loves me. I know that especially today she is really missing Chris. Preslie lives, she really does. I know it.

12 comments:

Preston and Keri Robertson Fam said...

We watched that movie the other day and I too had a really hard time with that part.
Even though I have been blessed and never had a miscarriage, I did have a "scare" when I was pregnant with Brylee and it was VERY hard and scary! I can't even imagine what you're going through but I hope that you can find peace in knowing that sweet Preslie is in such a wonderful place and right now she is playing with all her brothers and sisters that are just waiting to join your cute family!
Please know that we love you and you are ALWAYS in our thoughts and prayers.

Courtney said...

Jason and I both have had just an emotional week as well. Yesterday he came home at watched one of his TV shows and there was this guy who didn't know he had a son and was introduced to him for the first time. The man picked the son up and was just thrilled to pieces and said "My son, I have a son, I have always wanted a son" Jason lost it. I ran downstairs because I heard him crying. I hate seeing him so upset. I hate that he will not get to raise his sons. It's just so heartbreaking.

I know our babies are all up there playing with each other. While it doesn't make me miss them any less, it does bring a little peace to my heart knowing that beautiful little Preslie is up there with our boys.

Love yah!!!

p.s. Thank you so much for the angels you sent me. I have them displayed in my office. They are so adorable!!! You are such a great friend.

Michelle said...

WEll said my friend. I can only imagine the aching you feel every single day. I am not sure why we have to feel, face, and experience the hard, painful, sad parts of life. But I think it helps us appreciate all the simple, happy things...so many things that so many people take for granted. I know I used to worry about things that were simply inconsequential until our Preslie was born. I also think He wants us to remember the 'Eternal' perspective and not just what happens here each day. So many forget what happens beyond this life and that if we do endure, if we do 'make it through', we have all of Eternity to feel the peach, the love, the laughter that we missed here...I believe every moment that we missed out on will be granted to us for all eternity. Preslie is with you guys...she's all around you, enjoying your smiles, comforting the pain, wanting to wipe the tears. Hold onto that eternal perspective and know, my friend, that He loves you, Preslie loves you and your friends love you...especially me!

J&E said...

I know it too. This is really beautiful Rylie. I know I have said it before, but you and Chris are such a strength and an example to Jacob and. I thank you for always sharing your feelings. I know that Preslie loves you, and just can't wait for you to come home to her after you have given her some brothers and sisters to play with. I love you Rylie, know that you and Chris are still in my thoughts and prayers almost daily.
Erin

J&E said...

I know it too. This is really beautiful Rylie. I know I have said it before, but you and Chris are such a strength and an example to Jacob and. I thank you for always sharing your feelings. I know that Preslie loves you, and just can't wait for you to come home to her after you have given her some brothers and sisters to play with. I love you Rylie, know that you and Chris are still in my thoughts and prayers almost daily.
Erin

Jamie said...

You're so strong Rylie. & you're right =) Keep your chin up!

Jamie said...

You're so strong Rylie. & you're right =) Keep your chin up!

Deb and Stan said...

All I can say to you, sweet Rylie, is that you amaze and astound me with your faith. Thanks for inspiring me.

Jennalee :) said...

God bless you both and your shining testimonies!!

Brittanie said...

I'm sorry that you weren't warned about that part. I actually heard about it and that is why I haven't seen that movie. I have that image of a still baby on an ultrasound seared into my brain. While on the one hand I'm glad that the topic is being put onto a more public forum for people to be more aware of, I just don't know if I can personally handle seeing that.

I love the hope that the Gospel brings us. The knowledge that our sweet babies are part of something very important. The knowledge that, while they are in a peaceful and happy place, they love us and miss us too. This season is one of hope and renewal. Just as Christ rose from the dead, so too will our sweet babies be returned to our arms.

(hugs) I'm sorry this week has been so raw for you.

Ann said...

Rylie and Chris, we love you guys so much. You are always in our hearts and prayers.

Aubreydoll said...

I can't believe that no one warned you about that part. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't wish that you could have your beautiful Preslie with you. We love you both so much and want you to know that we're always here if we can ever help with anything.