Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Letter to Preslie

I found the letter that Chris and I starting writing to Preslie before she was born.  We finished it after she had passed away...

Dear Preslie,                                                                                        October 13, 2008

We are anxiously awaiting your arrival to your new home with us here on earth.  You will be the newest addition to the Martin clan, and everyone is so excited to see your little face. 

These past 9 months have been the longest and most enjoyable time for us. Your mom has been so excited to have you inside her tummy to protect you, and to become close to you before your big arrival.  She is however really ready to have you come out.  We have such great dreams for you while you are a part of our little family.  We know that you will grow up to be a strong, beautiful, loving, and Christ-like woman.  From your very first ultra-sound picture we could tell how determined and feisty you are.  We know that you will be a lot like your Dad and Aunt Marissa.  Your mom was so excited that you were a little girl that she cried, and immediately had to go out and buy you a ton of cute outfits.

When we went home to tell your Grandma Sue that you were a she, she still thought you were a baby Mason.  In fact she is still a bit convinced you will come out as your brother!  You will show her wrong!  You are so lucky to be the first grandchild, niece, and baby in our entire extended family.  We are determined that your Uncle Curt and Aunt Julie will have a cousin for you shortly to play with, after meeting you.  Everyone is so very excited to meet you. 

When you were very little inside mommy’s tummy you made her so sick.  All you wanted to eat was Sour Patch Kids.  You loved the sugar.  Day after day mom eliminated things from her diet because you were such a picky little eater.  We hope that when you join our family it won’t be that way. 

We had such a great time decorating your nursery, and getting everything set up.  Every night we go in there to just feel closer to you, and hope that you will be coming soon. 

You will never know how much we love you. It is unfathomable to imagine how we could fall in love with someone we have never even met, yet here we are loving you so much.  This past month leading up to your arrival has been very difficult for your loving Mom.  She just wants you to come out so badly so that she can feed you, bathe you, teach you, and make you the best person you can be.  Always remember that out of everyone here on earth there is no one, I repeat no one who loves you more than your Mom.  As I am sure your mom will tell you she gave up seafood, soda, her body, her temperature, everything for you and she will love you forever and always because you are her little baby Princess Preslie.

When we found out that you wouldn’t be coming home with us we were so sad.  Why after nine wonderful months would we not be able to raise you here on this earth.  Although we were really sad I enjoyed every minute of giving birth to you.  I would do it again in a heartbeat if I knew this would be the outcome. I enjoyed every minute of pain I felt and wish that these pains would never go away, so that I don’t forget. You are absolutely beautiful Preslie.  Words cannot describe how beautiful you are to me, and I can’t wait until I can hold you again and look down and see your face smiling up at me.

Your Dad was so excited to have you that I would tell everyone that he was almost more excited than I was.  He did everything for us while your little body was developing, and know that he has loved you since day one.  You have an amazing Dad Preslie and he could not wait to hold you.  Your Dad was so nervous about supporting your little neck, that when you came out it was me that was the nervous one.  He did a fantastic job holding you.  You could see the love he felt for you, and still feels for you. 

Baby P this is your Daddy again, I will so miss teaching you things.  I was so excited to watch Star Wars with you, to hold you on Daddy/Daughter Saturdays while watching football and Duke Basketball while your Mom went out. That was going to be our day where we got up early and watched cartoons, then some football, and then I was going to teach you to roll over, to crawl, and to walk.  You were going to have a tennis racquet in your hands by the time you were walking and then the next thing you know you would be beating your Dad when you were three. Your Mommy was so brave the day of your birth; she pushed you out so courageously that no one could believe it.  She loved holding your little body and even though we wanted a bald baby, there has never been a more beautiful set of curly brown hair than yours. You are so beautiful and the precious time we got to hold you, kiss you, and look at you was the greatest moments of my life. To know that your mommy and I made such a beautiful girl was amazing.  I still have your baby footprints on my arm and will forever feel your little feet.  You say Hi to Grandpa Guy, Grandpa Gary, and Grandma Ruth for me.  I know they are loving you so much right now and letting you play with Won ton, Suds, and Sassers.  Please know that you will be our little Angel looking down on us from heaven and protecting all your baby brothers and sisters so that we can return to you one day.  You will always be Baby P and you have inspired me to be perfect and I will strive to live that way until I see you again.  With all the love in my heart.  Love, Daddy

I just want you to know Preslie that I miss your kicks, I miss how you’d stretch out until it felt like my stomach would explode, and most of all I miss feeling you and knowing you are inside of me.  You have made me a better person.  I felt like I could do anything with you along with me, and nothing or no one will ever replace the bond that I have felt with you. You are my little baby P.

We love you Preslie and we know you will be with us always.  Please never forget us and know that your mommy and daddy can’t wait to see you again.  You have our hearts and our love.


Your Mom and Dad

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Kindergarten Tears

Dear Preslie,

I can't believe the day is finally here where I'd be sending you off to Kindergarten.  I remember after you died a friend in our support group talked about how hard it was every year when other kids started school.  I sat there and thought "That's too far away, it won't happen".  Here I sit flabbergasted at how quickly the years have flown by, without you in my life.  I can't help but stare at pictures of little girls going to kindergarten and wonder what you would look like.  Would your hair be curly like Tinsley's or striaght like Arista's?  Would you be scared to venture out onto the bus, or would you jump on in without looking back? Instead of shedding tears of joy on your big first day, I'm feeling the hole that will never heal.  I'm longing to hold you one last time, to see you with eyes opened, to kiss your beautiful cheeks, to run my fingers through your curly dark hair.  You are never forgotten, and will always live in my heart.  I know that someday soon I will see you again.  I'm proud to have you as my daughter, and hope you feel the love that we all have for you.  I love you Preslie Quinn!