Monday, April 20, 2009

Almost 6 Months


Chris and I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments you have made. We have definitely felt your love and prayers the past 6 months. I don't know what we would have done without all of your support.

Like clockwork the past couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotion leading up to our baby girl's 6 month anniversary. I never try to keep track of the days, and then it will hit me and i'll just happen to realize that the day is approaching. The day Preslie didn't move. The day our entire lives turned upside down. 4 days short of being induced. 4 days short of bringing our baby home.

We decided that on Wednesday (April 22nd) we would go and see the movie "Earth" to celebrate/remember our darling Preslie. Chris and I have been huge animal lovers our entire lives and marriage, and we had about a bazillion stuffed animals waiting for Preslie to play with. For every ticket bought to see the movie a tree will be planted. We thought it would be really neat to have a tree planted in honor of Preslie. We are without a doubt sure she is enjoying all of the animals up in heaven, and that she occasionally comes down to pull Chewie's tail.

I am sure there are a billion questions as to how I am dealing with the loss of Preslie, and expecting again. Chris and I feel so blessed to be able to be expecting again, however we feel that this is the second hardest thing we have had to do other then to bury our first child. The fun carefree days of my last pregnancy are over. We were a nervous wreck when we found out that we were expecting. Every second of every day I wondered if it would be my last with little baby. We were able to get an early ultrasound last Thursday, and Chris and I did not sleep the entire night before. We were so scared that the monitor would show that there wasn't a baby in there, or that there was a problem. Luckily we concurred our fears and we were able to not only see our baby's heartbeat, but to hear it as well. After that day we have calmed down almost 90%, it was such a huge relief to see that things are progressing normally.

I feel at times that by expecting another baby that I am moving away from Preslie. That I am trying to get over her or forget her. I know that Preslie is so happy for us, and is watching over the baby. The fear is so real, but our faith has to be stronger. I cannot think about the end, and I don't believe that this baby will actually come home with us. I like to think of having this little baby coming during Thanksgiving, but I don't believe it will happen. We are living on faith, and hope that we will get to keep this little one.

Chris and I are anxious and excited to add another addition to our family, and are taking each day one step at a time. We both feel like this baby is a boy, since I have not been nearly as sick as I was with Preslie. The Chinese calendar says girl, as well as the ring over my stomach. We will be grateful with either. We have felt the blessings pouring in already with this baby, and we know that Preslie is not too far away.

I made these little sheep for Easter. I thought they were so cute I just had to share.

18 comments:

Courtney said...

I can only imagine the whirlwind of emotions that you are feeling. Preslie is indeed watching over all of you and will take care of her brother/sister.

Miss you sweet girl. Love you!

*hugs*

McGinnis Family said...

First, the sheep you made for Easter are ADORABLE!!!!

Second, I can understand and relate with everything you are feeling and going through. I'm grateful that you received some sort of peace and relief when you saw the ultrasound. I hope and pray you continue to feel peace and relief as each day goes by.

LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

The Morgans said...

You are so good at expressing your feelings and fears. Your posts are always well written and it always feels like a conversation. Sometimes I miss that. I am very happy for you and Chris. I can only imagine the over load of emotions that you must be feeling. I hope that you (and Chris) can continue to be comforted throughout your pregnancy, that you will be well taken care of and that the months will pass by quickly. Hopefully you won't have to deal with morning sickness as much. Eat what you can now, you never know if tomorrow you will be forced to take up a diet consisting solely of sour patch kids (again). Oh and cute sheep.

Michelle said...

Such an emotional time...still grieveing one, and hoping for the 2nd. It's amazing how life comes full circle. I am sure Preslie is so thankful you guys will be welcoming a brother or sister to her and that her eternal family is growing. She rejoices in all your adventures, your smiles, triumphs and new beginnings. Remember there are no limit on Priesthood blessings, so if you need one each week until that sweet baby is here, you get one sweet girl...that's what the priesthood is here for. Pray always, walk in faith, live with hope and the Lord will bless you and allow you to feel His love everyday!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ry its Summer I just wanted to tell you I am so happy for you. I know the emotions are hard you and Chris and the baby are in my prayers everyday. Trust in the Lord and everything will be okay. I love you and miss you. I hope to see you in August!!!

Rachel said...

You are in everyones prayers. try to enjoy. Preslie will be the best big sister. Love you.

Aubreydoll said...

I can only imagine what you're going through every day right now. Just know that you and Chris are so loved and that you have tons of support and lots of people to turn to if you need it. We love you so much and are still so excited for you even though I'm sure you'll be on an emotional roller coaster for the next several months.

And, I love the sheep!

Janee said...

How wonderful to be able to see and hear your baby's heartbeat! I know it probably won't take away the fear you both feel but I hope you guys will feel more and more peace as your pregnancy progresses. We love you guys!

Cute sheep :)

Brittanie said...

I had my first ultrasound with Erin on Cora's 6 month anniversary. It was both very good to see the heartbeat, and very hard. Being pregnant after losing a baby is SO HARD. I remember that fear, that disbelief that Erin was actually coming home with me. But the Lord gave me peace all through the pregnancy, to calm my fears when I most felt like I was falling apart. I know He'll do the same for you. I wish I could guarantee s/he is coming home this time...but...that's the point of having faith isn't it? I'll be praying for your new little one, and for you too. (hugs)

Bobby and M!kell said...

You are so inspiring in your writing. I admire you and Chris. you are embarking on another incredible journey and its not going to be an easy one. you are both so deserving of being parents to this new little one. And I absolutely love the tree idea.

Mark Christie Family said...

What a relief that everything seems to be going well. I am sure you are going crazy with all different emotions. We wish you the best. THe sheep are absolutely adorabel!!! I luv em!!

Willow said...

Hugs to both of you. I pray for you guys often and will continue to do so, asking especially that you have the blessings of comfort and peace (and sleep).

Jennalee :) said...

You guys continue to show such amazing strength. I just know that sweet Preslie is up there now with your next darling baby, watching over them and helping them get ready to come down to see such loving and devoted parents. They're already very lucky to have an amazing big sister. Good luck, we love you guys!

Dan and Sheila said...

Ryley, you are such an inspiration in my life. It almost feels like Heavenly Father wanted me to meet you. Our story's are so similar, it is very surprising. I am now about 11 weeks pregnant and am scared to death. I have not talked about it for lots of reasons, but one being that I also did not want my baby girl forgotten, or replaced. I am very exited for this baby, but can't see myself actually bring this baby home. Which bothers me.
I also went to my first appointment and just was terrified that there would be no heart beat. Of course the baby was fine and my doctor was very reassuring.
I am so happy for you. I look forward to hearing about your pregnancy. I know that your Presley is so exited to have a new baby sister or brother. I am sure she is watching over you and is very near at this time. I truly am grateful that I got to meet you. You are such an amazing person. Love you, Sheila

Kelsey said...

I'm SO excited for you guys! And I think it's going to be a boy too. Little Skywalker.......lol Love you guys!

Tifani said...

May God Bless you, your husband, and your baby. I am sure that this pregnancy will bring a lot of joy and yet hesitation and worry at the same time. I will be checking back often to see how you are doing and feeling. I pray that you will be able to keep this baby and you will be blessed with every single joy and happiness that you were denied when you lost Preslie.
Much Love!

Marni said...

Congrats on expecting again. I had three miscarriages after my first...long story short...when I was pregnant again with Damon I didn't believe it until I was around six months that I would keep the baby. I can't even imagine what kind of cautious emotions you are carrying that are so much stronger. When I lost my mom and I saw my dad moving on with a new marriage and my life moving on I felt gulity too and had to come to a conclusion that my life is like a book and that this was just a new chapter in my life. Those tough moments were a part of my story that would make up who I am forever but I couldn't healthily dwell on it either even though I desperately wanted to read ahead to see what my future would bring and that it would all be okay. I for sure talk to my kids about grandma JoAnne and they are so sweet. I know this little baby is lucky to have an extra little guardian angel already watching over it. Sorry so long...this probably helped me more than you.:)

DaViD + KaTie + aLeXiS said...

What a rollercoaster of emotions, I can't even imagine. I just want you to know we are thinking of you & hoping & praying for you too. & I love your cute little sheep!