Thursday, November 13, 2008

Come What May

This past month I have seen my life at what felt like the happiest time, to now what is the saddest. I feel at times like I am going crazy, but grief has a way of making me feel that way. I sometimes find myself reviewing the past few weeks in disbelief and wonder how this could have happened. It's sometimes hard to look at the eternal perspective when I want my baby right here and right now. I feel really lucky to know and have faith that one day I will see Preslie, I will hear her cry and be able to see her smile, and to hold her close to me.

I find myself having a lot of bad days and an occasional good moment during those bad days. I am just so grateful to have such an understanding and supportive husband. I really don't know how he is able to lay by me for hours, and to give me the comfort I need. He has been so strong through this and constantly reminds me of how lucky I am to have given birth to a perfect baby. He was so good to me and Preslie during my entire pregnancy, and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I love him so much.

A few days ago my Mom called me and told me about this talk from conference given by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. She mentioned how it seemed like the talk was given almost like it was directed towards us. The name of the talk is "Come What May, and Love it. Luckily Chris and I still had General Conference recorded so we were able to hear the talk given. There are so many great quotes but one that stuck out to me is: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

When Chris and I were married our song was and still is "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. At Preslie's service Chris shared a part of it, and I find myself thinking of it often.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day


We never know what tomorrow will bring, or how we'll feel but one thing that we know for us is love concurs all. Our hearts have never loved anything or anyone like we have loved Preslie. Although we are crying tears of sadness right now, I know that one day all the tears will be worth it.

18 comments:

Chris and Rylie said...

Rylie-

I love you with my whole heart. I admire your bravery and love during this hard time in our life. I know you are and will continue to be a great Mom and you will be able to hold Baby Preslie one day in heaven. I love you!!!

Chris

Melanie Williams said...

thank you for sharing that. I am in tears. you are so brave and wise. We continue to pray for you every night.

Mark Christie Family said...

I am humbled by your strength that you show at this difficult time. You are an amazing woman. I pray for you guys and ask the Lord to let you feel Preslie's presence near you because I know that she is there with you. We love you guys.

Jenny and Kelsey said...

Thanks for sharing those inspiring words. They have brought me comfort and I appreciate that. I admire Chris and your strength and courage! I know that Preslie loves you and is with you both. I love you and if there is anything you need don't hesitate to ask!

J&E said...

Rylie,
You are a great example of strength to me. Imagining your loss as I carry my first child I honestly don't know how you are surviving through each moment and I am amazed at how you do. Please do know that you truly are in my thoughts and prayers each day. Keep fighting to live life, do it for Preslie and for her future brothers and sisters. I know she's watching over you and Chris and probably also aches to be held by her beautiful mother. But keep in your heart the assurance that that day will come. I love you and my heart goes out to you.
Erin

Brandon and Mandy said...

Hey Ry,

I haven't stopped thinking about you and praying for you. You and Chris and pretty much amazing. Brandon and I are convinced that we couldn't handle a similar situation with half your faith, understanding, and strength. We are both so impressed by you guys and feel so lucky to know you and to be here in MI with you during this time. We love you guys!!

Mandy

Aubreydoll said...

You really are such an amazing woman, Rylie. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now but your faith is such an amazing testament to the rest of us. You and Chris are so lucky to have each other and that song is absolutely beautiful. It really fits your family in so many ways. We love you and are still praying for you every day.

Bobby and M!kell said...

You both have amazing strength. Reading this just brought me to tears this morning. I have never been in your situation, I can't imagine the wave of emotions you are feeling on a daily basis. I am so glad that you have eachother and have such great faith.

The Wilson Crew said...

Sweet Rylie
You are a very strong woman. I look up to you even though I am older by a lot of years. I have learned that trials make us stronger and make us who we are. Even though we don't like them or ever understand them. Your Heavenly Father is looking out for you and Chris and knows what you are going through. He is carrying you through this tough time. Know that you and Chris are always in my thoughts and prayers. Preslie is with you. You may not always feel her but she is there ready to pick you up and comfort you. Stay strong. Love your cousin Leslie

Janee said...

I am in tears. Thank you for sharing that Rylie, you are an amazing woman. I admire your great bravery and strength. We are praying for you guys everyday.

Danny and Lauren's Blog said...

Rylie and Chris, you all are an inspiration! I feel blessed to know such amazing people. All our love and prayers. Xoxo, Lauren

Alyson said...

We love you guys! What an amazing family you are. Thanks for sharing that!

Kipley said...

That was beautiful rylie, absolutly love it!

sue martin said...

My dear Son and daughter-in law, I am in awe of you and so determined to live a perfect life so we can all be together again. Preslie is my guardian angel and has changed my life for the better already. I still cry everyday as you do for all the things I don't get to do in this life, but we will get to do all those things as an eternal family. I love you three so much and you are truly gods missionaries. Love Sue

Anonymous said...

Rylie,
As i sit here and read your thoughts and feelings i have chills. To share all of ths with your family and friends is a brave thing to do. I hear the pain and sorrow in each word that I read in yor blog, my heart goes out to you. How lucky you are to have such a wonderful man by your side.I know that with time your pain may fade, but your love for this angel will keep you both strong.The day will come where you will all be together again and share your life as one. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers everyday. May our father in heaven keep the white light around you both and give you peace as you heal.Love Aunt Kari and family

Anonymous said...

Hello,

You don't know me. I read a post about your loss on the friend of a friend's blog, while wasting time online. Reading about your loss made me cry. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling.

I just want to let you know that even though I don't know you, I will pray for you in your time of grief. I'm so very, very sorry. I have a baby and I just can't imagine what you went through. I think it's the worst nightmare a person can go through. I'm sorry.

I wish my tears could take some of the pain away. You seem incredible and your little girl is so lucky to have you as a mom. I'm positive she could feel this large amount of love you have for her while she was living inside your womb. That must have made her feel very good and loved. Thanks for being such a good example as a mother. All mothers should use you as an example. You are a wonderful mother. You are her mother for eternity.

I'm sorry if I'm stepping out of line by commenting about such a personal event on a stranger's blog. I just had to let you know I care. I guess we're all brothers and sisters in the eternal scheme of things. Please do something super nice for yourself. You more than deserve it.

Preston and Keri Robertson Fam said...

Rylie and Chris,
I just wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers daily.
The same kind of thing happened to a close friend of mine 2 years ago and she just wrote about it on her blog. You are welcome to look at it if you want. My mom made a very special video for them and I know that she would love to make one for you.
There names are Amy and Travis on my blog.
I know that what happened to them made them stronger and it will do the same for you.
We love you guys and we know that sweet little Preslie is with you and always will be.

DaViD + KaTie + aLeXiS said...

I am so glad you found that talk- when I read it I thought of how you had the music "Come What May" on your blog. Love you! You continue to be in my thoughts & prayers.