Sunday, November 23, 2008
1 Month Mark
Yesterday was the 1 month mark of Preslie being delivered. We decided it would be a good day to go up to the mausoleum to see her little grave. It was such a beautiful sunny day, and as we drove up I couldn't help but remember sitting next to her little casket in the hearse just a month earlier. I remember looking out the windows thinking how it was a blessing to have the sun shinning on such a difficult day for me.
Although she is in such a beautiful place, all I could do is cry for my baby to come home with me. I felt like I just couldn't leave her in there. It is just too cold, and she needs to be with me. It was difficult to leave. Almost all of the flowers we had left from the funeral were still alive when we went in there. It was nice to see that she is resting with such beautiful flowers.
When I first told Chris I was pregnant I got a bunch of his Star Wars men and toys we had all together and wrote this sign that said "Hello Daddy". Well today Chris really wanted to put some little Star Wars men in front of her tomb. Well, later that night we were looking through old pictures, and they were the same little guys I used when I first told Chris I was pregnant. We thought that was pretty nuts.
I am having the hardest time getting into the Christmas mood, and I have a very difficult time hearing of others plans they have for their families this year. Chris and I had so many plans, and ideas and things we were looking forward to with Preslie. I have seen more newborn babies and pregnant women lately then I ever remember, and it's almost like it's a slap in the face. How can I handle this? I am just having the hardest time, and I just wish I could have answers. I can't wait for the day where I can look back and see what I have learned from this.
Posted by Rylie at 3:13 AM