Thursday, February 19, 2009

Reflection on the Happiest Day of My Life


A year ago today was the happiest day of my life. I had a really bad cold, and felt like I shouldn't take any medicine since my period was late. Chris went to the store and bought a bunch of meds as well as a pregnancy test. He wrote me a little sticky note wishing me luck. I remember being so scared to take the test, but I was so sick I had to know. When the test turned out positive I could not even breathe. I felt a huge rush of emotion, and I just started sobbing. It felt like God had put his arms around me, and had given me a huge hug. I called my mom and told her all about it, and then decided to decorate the house for Chris.



Chris called me on a break at school and I could not hold back the excitement. He knew instantly when he heard my voice. He came home and we called all of our family members. We were so excited! We starting thinking of all the great things our baby would be doing someday, and how blessed we felt to be able to have such a great child.

My heart just aches today. I never in my wildest dreams thought that a year from that day I would be sitting here with empty arms, and a broken heart. I found myself thinking back to that day a lot this past week, wishing I could go back and relive that moment. Oh what I would do to have Preslie here with me. I would just hold her and never let her go. Today is such a hard day, I just want my baby girl!

15 comments:

Aubreydoll said...

Preslie is such a lucky girl to have parents that love her so much and did from the very first moment her life was discovered. I wish there was some way to relieve just a little bit of the pain you're going through. Just hold on to those special moments that you did have with her and always remember them. We love you both so much and think about you every day.

DaViD + KaTie + aLeXiS said...

Hang in there, Rylie! You're in our thoughts & prayers today.

McGinnis Family said...

Wow, you are right! Today is a hard day for you. I am so sorry. I know you've got other people to talk to but, if you need someone, I am here. Love you.

Deb and Stan said...

And all the people that love you would do anything to grant your wish.

I know you don't feel like it, but you are such an inspiration of strength to all of us!

Thanks for sharing these extremely personal thoughts. We love you guys!

Ann said...

We love you three! We are constantly thinking about you guys. You have been such an example of faith and endurance. I don't know if I could be as strong as you and Chris. I imagine every day is very hard but this one especially. You are in our hearts and prayers as always. We miss you guys. I hope that we can hang out sometime soon. You know I'm always home if you ever need to get out and do something different.

Courtney and Jason said...

Oh hon, I know how your heart aches today and I wish I could take it away.

You are in my thoughts today
*hugs*

Dan and Sheila said...

I am so sorry! I think of your little family all the time, and ache for you. It is so hard not to have them here with us. I just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you.

April said...

HI you don't know me, but I found your blog, I am a mom to a baby that is in heaven as well. He was born Oct 28,2008 at 21wks. I am so sorry and feel your pain. I wish you and your family all the best. My prayers are with you.

Janee said...

Of course today is going to be hard! I wish I was there to give you a hug! Hang in there sweetie...

J&E said...

You arew in my thoughts each day Rylie. I love you and wish Preslie was hear to be able to feel all of your love first hand. I know she misses you too. But we can take hope knowing that one day you will never EVER have to be apart again.
Lots of Love,
Erin

Anonymous said...

That is very sweet rylie! Prelie is so lucky to have you and chris as parents! I found myself thinking about you today and i do alot. Kelsi Ewing was on the computer and she said Kipley Here is your favorite song. She played Come What May. I stopped and pondered on that song as it played. I thought of both you and Chris and Preslie!When ever i hear that song i think of you and i always will. She will love you forever! She is always with you.
I love you!
~Kipley~

Amy said...

I'm so sorry Rylie! I know its so hard, please know that you aren't along in all of this. Along with the Lord, you have earthly mommies that know what you are feeling first hand and are here for you. Please feel free to email me if you just need to talk or vent.

Love
Amy
amy.chinagal@gmail.com

Natalie.Rob.Branson said...

Sorry today was so hard. October was the anniversary of our "finding out we were pregnant day". A hard day. We love you and your little one and pray for you often.

Brittanie said...

I remember this feeling. I just wanted to give you continued (hugs) That first year, I remember it being so hard. Now I can look back on it with a sad smile and peace. Remember that Preslie loves you and is never far. I love to think that those times when I think of her the most and it just hurts...those are the times when she is closest to me.

(hugs) again.

Jennalee :) said...

hey! been thinking about you guys a lot and just know that you are in our hearts and prayers. we miss you too! i was so bummed to miss our on the miss america night this year at your place. just know we are sending hugs your way and hope for better days ahead. :)