Thursday, August 27, 2015

Kindergarten Fears

Tonight Arista had her Kindergarten open house. I have been waiting all summer for school to start. Arista missed the deadline last year since her birthday is in November. She is ready, I'm ready, or so I thought...

We pulled into the school and I immediately started crying. My pregnancy hormones have really been beasts this pregnancy. That and I haven't slept at night since my heart episode last week. I pulled myself together and held back tears walking in. I could feel my body starting to cry the entire open house. When Arista went in line for a pretend school lunch, I sat there and couldn't believe that my miracle baby was old enough for school. Why was I wishing the time away? Why does time go so fast? Why can't I keep her forever and ever?

I reflected over the past 7 years, and couldn't help but feel the loss of not being able to send Preslie to school. Had it really been 7 years? 

The thing I love about Arista is she has no fear of new things, no fear of changes and no fear of the unknown.  How can I get that mentality? Ever since I can remember I have been scared of life. I let fear hold me back from a lot. I've been so afraid of dying, that I haven't taken full advantage of living. How can I train my brain to think differently after 28 years of thinking one way? 

Life is challenging right now. There's change brewing and a lot of unknowns. I pray that I can have the courage of Arista and face my fears. I pray I can have patience for the future unknown. I pray I can be a beacon of strength in my children's lives. I pray I can give my fear to God, and live the rest of my life without anxiety.

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