Monday, February 22, 2010

16 Months

Dear Preslie,

My heart aches for you today. As I was holding your sister and staring into her eyes, I couldn't help but ache and long for the chance to gaze into your eyes as well. I always think and wonder what you would look like. Would you have curly brown hair? Would your eyes be green or brown? Would you be energetic or shy? Would you be a daddy's girl or mommy's girl? Would you hold your baby sister tight, and want to do everything that she is doing? We learned in Sunday school about Lot's wife, and how she longingly looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. I try so hard to not let the "what ifs" consume my mind, but there are times when I just can't help it. There are times when I want to go back in time and just hold you closer, and kiss you more. I was so scared, and that has been one of my biggest regrets. I should have held your little body longer, I should have held you tighter. I think back to that day and remember how perfect you were. You had the most beautiful hands, and feet. You had the cutest little button nose, and the longest legs. You are perfect Preslie, and I am trying everything I can to be able to make it back to you. To raise you like I am raising your baby sister. To be able to hold you and sing you to sleep, to feed you, and feel you snuggle up against me. I don't understand fully God's plan for our family, but I can't wait to find out. I know we will see you again someday, and can't wait until we are all together again. Stay close to us, visit us often, and know that we are not forgetting you. You will always be our first daughter, and our guardian angel in heaven. We love you and your sister so much, and are so grateful that we were able to have you for the short time we did.

Happy 16 Months my baby "P".

Love, Mommy

My Darling

Go back to sleep now
My darling
And I'll keep all the bad dreams away
Breathe now, think sweet things
And I'll think of all the right words to say

Because we made you
My darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start

Grow up now
My darling
Please don't you grow up too fast
And be sure, darling
To make all the good times last

Because we made you
My darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start


Aubreydoll said...

It's so wonderful to see you and Chris with your beautiful miracle, but my heart aches too that sweet Preslie wasn't able to stay here with you. I just want you to know that I still think of Preslie often and know how much you and Chris love and think of her. She is truly blessed to be part of your family.

chadnsue said...

I love you P and I know you know how you touched my heart and how much I love you. You are so beautiful and I can't wait to meet you. I remember every 22nd of every month. Your family loves you as I'm sure your watching them and taking care of them. We love you baby P Your grandma.....

Brittanie said...

(((hugs))) I could have written this myself. I so look forward to that day when our babies come back to us.

erin d. said...

My heart goes out to your dear family. I still think of baby P often. Love your way.

Stephanie said...

What a beautiful picture and even more heartfelt post. It was so nice to finally meet you!

Michelle said...

Wow 16 months! And look at you - a strong, beautiful mom that I am sure Preslie is in awe by. She misses you as much as you miss her I am sure. May you always feel her near and may your sweet baby girl continue to bless your lives and may you know I love you dear friend!