I knew today would be especially difficult being my 6-week check-up. Chris had a final at 9:00 this morning, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I asked Erika if she would go with me, and was so glad she was able to. Walking up the stairs to the office I could feel the emotion rising up inside of me. I took a deep breath and we went in, only to find out that I was not meeting with my doctor. I was meeting with the nurse practitioner. I had a rush of emotions and thoughts go through my head, as I waited to be called back. "Why was I not meeting with my doctor?" "Is she to ashamed to meet with me?" "Why after this happening would she not want to see me?"
They called me back to be weighed, and we walked past the non-stress test room. I could feel the tears starting to come to my eyes, but luckily I was able to pull it together for a little while. While waiting for the NP Erika and I talked about the Twilight series. It felt like I was waiting forever, although I am sure it was only about 15 minutes. The NP came in and gave her sincere condolences and went along with the check up. As I laid there I couldn't help but think back of all the times I laid there listening to little Preslie's heartbeat, and the excitement I had for her to come. Never in all of those times did I worry that when I went back for my 6-week check-up Preslie would not be there with me.
It was so hard to leave there without feeling completely empty inside. I am so grateful to Erika for being there with me on this really hard day. I could not have done it alone.
Chris and I were told that you have to go through the hard things once, then it slowly gets a little easier. I am hoping when I go back in a few weeks, it will be a little easier.