Pumpkin Pie Memories

As I was relaxing tonight I kept craving something, but could not for the life of me figure out what it was. Then it hit me...PUMPKIN PIE! Oh how I love pumpkin pie, and yet it is totally out of season this time of the year. (I only look at the pies every time I go to the grocery store) So up I went and started to make my pie. As I was adding the different spices different memories starting flooding back to me. I find it amazing that smells can spark different memories.

I found myself getting lost in the place where I rarely go, the place right before Preslie died. The place where I was ecstatic and happy that soon I was going to be having my baby girl. I let myself wander back to last fall, when the leaves were turning and the air was becoming cool. I remembered heading to the pumpkin patch and was so excited that for the first time we were going to pick out pumpkins. Chris and I took a little wagon and went row by row to find the perfect ones. After what seemed like a long time we found some great ones. Oh how I wish I had a DeLorean and could go back...

I then thought about when I went apple picking with Kara. I am not sure about the date of it, but I believe it was the Saturday before Preslie passed. I remember how much fun we had using the claw to collect the apples, and how beautiful the day was. I remember the smell of the cider and donuts, and the atmosphere. There were some women who were doing temporary tattoos, and I debated whether or not to get one on my belly.



I spent many days making apple crisps and pies with all of the apples we had picked. With each passing day my excitement and anxiousness grew. The night before my due date I stayed up all night just as happy and as excited as can be, because Preslie would be here at any time. My due date came and went in fact I even hosted a play group that day. I made a taco salad bar and we all talked while the kids watched "Sleeping Beauty". I remember telling the ladies to not plan on me being at the Halloween playgroup because I was hopefully going to have this baby.

As the smell of my baking pumpkin pie lingers in our house I can't help but think about how this coming fall will be. Will there be apple picking and pies made? Will the leaves be as beautiful as they once were, or will they remind me of a life before? Will I be able to enjoy my favorite holiday Halloween knowing that we buried my daughter the day after?

Right now I am going to my happy place making pumpkin pie, and playing with my 7 month old Preslie...

*** The shirt I am wearing in these pictures is the shirt I wore to the hospital the day Preslie died. The last thing I wore with Preslie inside of me. I still wear the shirt frequently... It will always mean something to me. ***