Yesterday was the 1 month mark of Preslie being delivered. We decided it would be a good day to go up to the mausoleum to see her little grave. It was such a beautiful sunny day, and as we drove up I couldn't help but remember sitting next to her little casket in the hearse just a month earlier. I remember looking out the windows thinking how it was a blessing to have the sun shinning on such a difficult day for me.
Although she is in such a beautiful place, all I could do is cry for my baby to come home with me. I felt like I just couldn't leave her in there. It is just too cold, and she needs to be with me. It was difficult to leave. Almost all of the flowers we had left from the funeral were still alive when we went in there. It was nice to see that she is resting with such beautiful flowers.
When I first told Chris I was pregnant I got a bunch of his Star Wars men and toys we had all together and wrote this sign that said "Hello Daddy". Well today Chris really wanted to put some little Star Wars men in front of her tomb. Well, later that night we were looking through old pictures, and they were the same little guys I used when I first told Chris I was pregnant. We thought that was pretty nuts.
I am having the hardest time getting into the Christmas mood, and I have a very difficult time hearing of others plans they have for their families this year. Chris and I had so many plans, and ideas and things we were looking forward to with Preslie. I have seen more newborn babies and pregnant women lately then I ever remember, and it's almost like it's a slap in the face. How can I handle this? I am just having the hardest time, and I just wish I could have answers. I can't wait for the day where I can look back and see what I have learned from this.
11 comments:
Rylie, I cry with you everytime I read your blog. The unanswered questions are the ones that you go over and over again in your head that make you feel like you are going crazy. You are so very lucky to have such a strong man like Chris by your side to support you in this. I want you to know that if you ever need to talk, vent, cry or anything you are more than welcome to email me, text me or call me. I know we haven't seen eachother for such a long time but i am constantly thinking of you and as a mother I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are enduring at this time. I am going to send you a message on facebook with all my contact info.
Love,
M!kell
Oh, Rylie! My heart is aching for you. Hang in there.
Rylie, I wish there was something I could say that might ease your suffering just a little bit. We love you and Chris and are here for you no matter what.
Rylie, I know we don't know each other that well but I think you and Chris are amazing people. I admire you guys for your strength. When I read your posts it makes my heart ache for you and just brings tears to my eyes. If you ever need anything either of you Scott and I would love to help. You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
Rylie! I miss you! Keep holding on.
Chris and Rylie, your first blog had me wiping my eyes at my computer at home all by myself. But I think your writings are awesome, i am praying for yall a lot. Take care
Coffin
Rylie and Chris, I have been wanting to call, text, email, just try to contact you somehow. Every time I do, I hang the phone up before it rings, I cancel the text or delete the email. I don't know what to say. I feel like all my attempts to console or just let you know we're here would just be too feeble to even recognize. Our thoughts, hearts and prayers are with you both everyday. We think about you all the time. You are wonderful! We miss you Rylie. And Chris, someday we'll finally meet. However, we are so impressed by what we've heard and seen of who you are. Take care. We sure love you guys. Call, text or email us whenever you want, no matter what time it is. May God keep you safe and happy in his loving arms.
Hi Rylie,
I wrote you a few weeks ago, Kara Wood, who is Mandy's sister in-law. I've been checking up on your blog every now and then and admire how strong you've been. I'm a mother of 2 little girls and can't even imagine the pain you are going through. Your testimony has touched me deeply. Thank You for sharing it. Here is a song I thought You would appreciate for your Beautiful Angel Preslie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S70gwFcSK9k
Hugs.
Love, Kara
Her name-plate is beautiful!!! Just like she is!
Her name-plate is beautiful!!! Just like she is!
This is so sweet. Penny gave us the update at Thanksgiving. Still thinking of you guys.
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