Letter to Preslie

I found the letter that Chris and I starting writing to Preslie before she was born.  We finished it after she had passed away...

Dear Preslie,                                                                                        October 13, 2008

We are anxiously awaiting your arrival to your new home with us here on earth.  You will be the newest addition to the Martin clan, and everyone is so excited to see your little face. 

These past 9 months have been the longest and most enjoyable time for us. Your mom has been so excited to have you inside her tummy to protect you, and to become close to you before your big arrival.  She is however really ready to have you come out.  We have such great dreams for you while you are a part of our little family.  We know that you will grow up to be a strong, beautiful, loving, and Christ-like woman.  From your very first ultra-sound picture we could tell how determined and feisty you are.  We know that you will be a lot like your Dad and Aunt Marissa.  Your mom was so excited that you were a little girl that she cried, and immediately had to go out and buy you a ton of cute outfits.

When we went home to tell your Grandma Sue that you were a she, she still thought you were a baby Mason.  In fact she is still a bit convinced you will come out as your brother!  You will show her wrong!  You are so lucky to be the first grandchild, niece, and baby in our entire extended family.  We are determined that your Uncle Curt and Aunt Julie will have a cousin for you shortly to play with, after meeting you.  Everyone is so very excited to meet you. 

When you were very little inside mommy’s tummy you made her so sick.  All you wanted to eat was Sour Patch Kids.  You loved the sugar.  Day after day mom eliminated things from her diet because you were such a picky little eater.  We hope that when you join our family it won’t be that way. 

We had such a great time decorating your nursery, and getting everything set up.  Every night we go in there to just feel closer to you, and hope that you will be coming soon. 

You will never know how much we love you. It is unfathomable to imagine how we could fall in love with someone we have never even met, yet here we are loving you so much.  This past month leading up to your arrival has been very difficult for your loving Mom.  She just wants you to come out so badly so that she can feed you, bathe you, teach you, and make you the best person you can be.  Always remember that out of everyone here on earth there is no one, I repeat no one who loves you more than your Mom.  As I am sure your mom will tell you she gave up seafood, soda, her body, her temperature, everything for you and she will love you forever and always because you are her little baby Princess Preslie.

When we found out that you wouldn’t be coming home with us we were so sad.  Why after nine wonderful months would we not be able to raise you here on this earth.  Although we were really sad I enjoyed every minute of giving birth to you.  I would do it again in a heartbeat if I knew this would be the outcome. I enjoyed every minute of pain I felt and wish that these pains would never go away, so that I don’t forget. You are absolutely beautiful Preslie.  Words cannot describe how beautiful you are to me, and I can’t wait until I can hold you again and look down and see your face smiling up at me.

Your Dad was so excited to have you that I would tell everyone that he was almost more excited than I was.  He did everything for us while your little body was developing, and know that he has loved you since day one.  You have an amazing Dad Preslie and he could not wait to hold you.  Your Dad was so nervous about supporting your little neck, that when you came out it was me that was the nervous one.  He did a fantastic job holding you.  You could see the love he felt for you, and still feels for you. 

Baby P this is your Daddy again, I will so miss teaching you things.  I was so excited to watch Star Wars with you, to hold you on Daddy/Daughter Saturdays while watching football and Duke Basketball while your Mom went out. That was going to be our day where we got up early and watched cartoons, then some football, and then I was going to teach you to roll over, to crawl, and to walk.  You were going to have a tennis racquet in your hands by the time you were walking and then the next thing you know you would be beating your Dad when you were three. Your Mommy was so brave the day of your birth; she pushed you out so courageously that no one could believe it.  She loved holding your little body and even though we wanted a bald baby, there has never been a more beautiful set of curly brown hair than yours. You are so beautiful and the precious time we got to hold you, kiss you, and look at you was the greatest moments of my life. To know that your mommy and I made such a beautiful girl was amazing.  I still have your baby footprints on my arm and will forever feel your little feet.  You say Hi to Grandpa Guy, Grandpa Gary, and Grandma Ruth for me.  I know they are loving you so much right now and letting you play with Won ton, Suds, and Sassers.  Please know that you will be our little Angel looking down on us from heaven and protecting all your baby brothers and sisters so that we can return to you one day.  You will always be Baby P and you have inspired me to be perfect and I will strive to live that way until I see you again.  With all the love in my heart.  Love, Daddy

I just want you to know Preslie that I miss your kicks, I miss how you’d stretch out until it felt like my stomach would explode, and most of all I miss feeling you and knowing you are inside of me.  You have made me a better person.  I felt like I could do anything with you along with me, and nothing or no one will ever replace the bond that I have felt with you. You are my little baby P.

We love you Preslie and we know you will be with us always.  Please never forget us and know that your mommy and daddy can’t wait to see you again.  You have our hearts and our love.

Love,

Your Mom and Dad

Kindergarten Tears

Dear Preslie,

I can't believe the day is finally here where I'd be sending you off to Kindergarten.  I remember after you died a friend in our support group talked about how hard it was every year when other kids started school.  I sat there and thought "That's too far away, it won't happen".  Here I sit flabbergasted at how quickly the years have flown by, without you in my life.  I can't help but stare at pictures of little girls going to kindergarten and wonder what you would look like.  Would your hair be curly like Tinsley's or striaght like Arista's?  Would you be scared to venture out onto the bus, or would you jump on in without looking back? Instead of shedding tears of joy on your big first day, I'm feeling the hole that will never heal.  I'm longing to hold you one last time, to see you with eyes opened, to kiss your beautiful cheeks, to run my fingers through your curly dark hair.  You are never forgotten, and will always live in my heart.  I know that someday soon I will see you again.  I'm proud to have you as my daughter, and hope you feel the love that we all have for you.  I love you Preslie Quinn!


Love,

Mommy

Update

My older sister Kelsey told me that she was tired of looking at the same post on my blog since Tinsley was born.  With that incentive I have decided it's about time to update this thing.  It's funny how time seems to fly and before you know it, your blog is months behind. 

In March we moved into our first house.  We have a beautiful fenced backyard, finished basement with a mother-in-law suite, gym room,play room, craft room, deck...the list goes on and on.  My favorite room however is my piano room.  I don't get the opportunity to play the piano as much as I like, but I just love the feel of the room.  It feels like a great escape from the chaos of the rest of the house.  We still have a lot to do with the house, but I figure since we own it we can take our time.

Once Miss Tinsley was born I had a slew of health problems.  Before I left the hospital my right eye was blurry and I was seeing spots.  I didn't think anything of it when I mentioned it to the nurse right as we were about to leave, but they took it very seriously and had me stay an extra night and have an ultrasound of the arteries in my neck and an MRI of my head.  Luckily they didn't find anything, and they send me on my way.  2 weeks later my postpartum bleeding picked up and I was sent to the hospital to have it checked out.  I had an ultrasound done and there was nothing left over from the pregnancy but I found out that I have multiple ovarian cysts on both ovaries.  The bleeding continued and then I started feeling dizzy.  I felt dizzy everyday, it was like I was walking on the moon.  Nothing I could do, could make it stop.  Again I went back to the hospital for a brain scan, head scan, back x-ray, and other tests.  The results came up with nothing, except for a little bit of fluid behind my right ear.  I was sent home again with no answers, and dizziness.  I went to an eye doctor, and then an ear doctor and he found out that my sinus' are inflamed.  I have been on a nasal spray, and have a follow-up appointment next week.  It seems to be better, however I have days where I get super dizzy. 

Despite all the scary issues, we had some good news come these past few months too.  I went in for my monthly breast appointment and found out that my breast mass is completely gone!!!  What a blessing to hear, and a huge relief.  I will follow-up after I am done nursing to make sure everything looks good. :)

Since Tinsley's birth we have had a slew of visitors!  I was so blessed to have my sister-in-law Julie come out with her kids to help out with Arista and Tinsley, and it was fun to catch up with her in the process. 

Since my Mom wasn't able to come out, my younger sister Kipley came out for 10 days to help out.  Despite just having Tinsley that didn't stop us for going to the mall numerous times, Mt. Vernon, DC Cupcakes, National Geographic Museum, and National Harbor.  It meant so much to me that Kipley came out for the short amount of time that she did.  Arista loved to tease Kipley and told her many times to go on the airplane.

After Kipley left my other younger sister Mikelle came out for 2 weeks.  It was so great to have help once again, since I was still have medical postpartum problems.  Mikelle and I were able to read an entire book, visit Annapolis, National Geographic museum, eat too many M&Ms and watch lots and lots of movies.  It was hard to say goodbye to Mikelle, and we can't wait until she comes out for New Years. ;)

Not long after Mikelle left another visitor came!  My best friend Courtney from high school came out for a week and we took a trip to NYC.  It was my 3rd time there, and it didn't disappoint.  We spent 3 full days and 2 nights there, and we did EVERYTHING!  We saw Mary Poppins, Newsies, The 9/11 memorial, the top of the Empire State Building, The Statue of Liberty, and of course Times Square.  It was so much fun, and exhausting!  We are planning on doing a girls trip every 2 years.  I hope I see her again before then.

A week after Courtney came my second cousins Gracie and Mallory came out for 5 days.  It was a lot of fun to have young girls around the house.  I felt like I was an older sister again having fun with  my little sisters.  We played many board games, watched movies, went to six flags, and had a spa night!  Yes, I even did their toes.  I was sad to see them go, and hope that they will come back soon.  They were a great help with the girls and I never had to ask them to help either.  They just jumped right in.

We are looking forward to having my parents and brother come out in September.  Here is what you all have been waiting for....

1 Month

                                                                            

2 Months

 3 Months

Tinsley has been a wonderful addition to our family.  She has such a sweet spirit and a beautiful smile.  I can't wait to see her grow up, and I am so grateful that I get to raise another sweet spirit.  I'll try my best to update my blog more often!

Introducing

Tinsley May Martin

9lbs 5oz

21 inches long

May 2, 2012 @ 4:53pm



The Lump

"So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin." - My Big Fat Greek Wedding


I am so behind on blogging that I find it just pointless to even go back to where I left off. So I figured I would try to move forward and do better. :) I have been thinking a lot about trials lately and why we get the ones we do, and why it seems like sometimes others don't get any at all. Chris and I feel like we had a calm from the storms of life for awhile and then I found a lump in my left breast. I don't think I would have thought anything of it, except that my Mom had breast cancer 2 years ago. I decided to have my high risk doctor take a look at it and go from there. She was concerned and sent me to a breast center to have to checked out. My lump is the size of a walnut and immovable. The specialist ordered me to have an ultrasound and biopsy done a few days later. When the ultrasound was done the mass was huge! I tried to make a joke to the technician "It isn't the size of a pea is it?" to which she seriously said "No, it's not." I began to worry because she didn't say anything but told me that the doctor would come into talk to me about it. When the doctor came in to do the biopsy he said he thought it looked like a fibroid cyst, but the results would let us know for sure. After a PAINFUL biopsy...I went home feeling at peace about everything, and knew that no matter what happened our family would be okay. I felt strongly that I wasn't alone while having my procedure done, and that the Lord was with me.

After a LONG weekend, I finally got the call that the results were clear. My heart was filled with gratitude to my family for their fasting and prayers and to a loving Heavenly Father who answered my prayers. I don't know what the future holds, having a big history of breast cancer in my family I have almost come to grips with the fact that I may get it...eventually. No matter what happens I know that we can get through anything if we remain faithful and roll with the punches. There were times during this experience of pure fear and sadness, but I kept telling myself that we will be okay no matter what happens.

"Come what may, and love it."

Arista-isms

This little girl cracks me up. I am so behind on blogging, but I just had to share this. Tonight Arista kept saying "My tummy". When I asked her what was wrong with it, she said there was a baby in it. She kept saying "Baby in my tummy." When Chris asked her what her baby's name was she said "Brylie". SOOOOO cute! She has never said my name before, and now the little baby in her tummy shares my name. She is so stinkin' cute! Now she is pointing to Daddy's baby in his tummy.

Arista has just learned how to say "I love you" and says it all the time.

Grandma Mary got her some big girl panties for her birthday and she carries them around everywhere! They had to go to the grocery store and the library with us.

She calls The Little Mermaid "Lema" and Rapunzel "Punny"

She loves to tell us to "move" and everything is "mine".

Every cat's name is "Chewby".

Everything is the color "buh-yellow".

She called Vader "Via".

She knows the entire song of "Somewhere over the rainbow", "Popcorn Popping", "I see the moon" and "Rock A Bye".

Arista wants to watch "Winnie the Pooh" DAILY and sings all the songs.

She has to sleep with her princess shoes, baby Ashley, and a teacup and spoon.

Everyone poops except for her, and she loves to tell you all the people who do.

Dancing to music is Arista's favorite thing to do.


Man has she grown up fast. :(

Arista's Surprise Announcement