Back in Michigan

My brother Merrick and I flew back to Michigan on Sunday. Merrick is going to stay with Chris and I for a month, and we have had a blast already. I was very sad to leave my family in Idaho, but it's been much easier bringing a bit of Idaho back with me.

My last few days in Idaho were spent making Christmas presents for our family members, and making ornaments for a tree we are doing in honor of Preslie for the Festival of Trees. My Mom came up with the cutest craft that I could do to contribute to the tree. I am really eager to see how it will turn out.

I was able to attend 2 weddings while I was in Idaho, for 2 very good friends of mine. It was so neat to be able to share the day with them. Each wedding was so different but, the spirit was the same. There is nothing like a temple wedding.

Saturday my family and I decided to float the Boise River, although it wasn't open and was considered "too high". Kelsey and I shared a raft, and had a hoot the entire time. Until we got drug into some huge trees. Kelsey planted herself at the bottom of the raft while I got whacked with everything. I ended up with 3 huge bruises and some scary scratches. It was a blast. Thanks for the great time McDonald fam, I miss you all already!!!

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In other news I have now been feeling little baby Ewok moving. I thought I was feeling it in Idaho, but I didn't want to believe it was true. While listening to his/her heartbeat yesterday I could not only hear the movements, but feel them as well. I was so overcome with emotions. All I could do is cry for the blessing to be able to feel movement, and cry for the lost movement I had with Preslie. Things are becoming much more real now, and I have to constantly remind myself to relax. It has been so nice to be back home with Christopher, and for his endless support. We are so grateful for the blessing of this new baby, and look forward to finding out what he/she is on Monday.

Tribute to the 2 Amazing Men in my Life

This is the first Father's Day in 4 years, that I have been able to spend with my Dad. I feel so blessed to be given the opportunity to be with him here today. It was amazing to go to church today and to see my Dad sitting up in the stand next to the Bishop, and to see him conduct the meeting. I could not have been a more proud Daughter.

My Dad and I have always been very close. Through all the hardships encountered my Dad never left my side, and always stood by me. I have many great memories with my Dad and I thought it would be fun to write a list out, to remember them...

1. Daddy-Daughter Dance
2. Bike rides and walks on the Greenbelt
3. Going down the water slide at the Natatorium
4. Feeding the ducks
5. Watching scary movies
6. Trips to Farmington every weekend one Summer
7. The Secret Garden
8. "Camping" at Bruno San dunes
9. Floating the Boise River
10. Floating the Payette River
11. Girls Camp
12. Putting Christmas lights on the house
13. Camping in the backyard
14. Fishing
15. Hiking
16. Skiing
17. Family Counsel
18. Trips to Sun Valley
19. 6am scripture reading
20. Singing in the morning

I have done so many great things with my Dad, and I a grateful for the example he is to me. When Preslie died all I wanted was for my Dad to be there with me. I still remember him walking into the hospital room after I had Preslie. I wanted him to scoop me up and take me home. The love that he had for me and my daughter will be in my heart always. I wish I had the chance to see him more then I do, but I am grateful to be able to talk to him almost everyday. My Dad is the hardest worker I know, and through his hard work and faith many great blessings have come into our lives. I don't know what I would do without my Dad, but I hope that I can have the faith and courage that he does. I love you Dad!

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I wanted to send a very special Happy Father's Day to Chris. When booking my flight for Idaho I totally spaced that it was Father's Day this month. When I found out that he would be spending it alone, I felt awful. I know that Mother's Day was one of the hardest days I had.

I had never seen anyone more excited to be a Father then Chris. When we were dating and engaged Chris expressed to me how he could not wait to be a Dad. Through the many months of trying to get pregnant, Chris never lost faith that eventually we would be parents. Chris bought baby clothes on sale before we were even expecting. His excitement and enthusiasm only wanted me to be a Mom all the more. When I got pregnant with Preslie, Chris took the Dad role very seriously. He waited on me hand and foot...literally. I did not go a day without a foot massage, and a back massage. Chris would do anything to make me more comfortable, and he would even clean up my throw up when I didn't make it into the bathroom. Chris practiced changing diapers with our stuffed animals, and practiced picking them up while supporting their heads. He was always looking for great deals on clothes and constantly came home with new things for our little baby.

When we found out we were having a girl, Chris was ecstatic. (We found out a year ago yesterday) I didn't think he would be as excited, but he proved me wrong. We went out that night and bought tons of clothes and shoes for our little P. On his lunch break Chris would always walk over to Target and come home with cute little onesies he had found. When Preslie was able to hear in the womb Chris entertained her with a plethora of classical music. Anything from Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach, to Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Braveheart, and even some crazy music. For many nights Chris and I watched Preslie's reaction to the songs her Dad was forcing her to hear. She did NOT like the LOTR music, but found Star Wars to be entertaining.

When Preslie started to move more she always very active at night. Chris would always sing her a melody of songs, and then fall asleep. I remember laying there many nights trying to rock her to sleep, but nothing would work. We finally figured out that if Chris would put his hand on her, she would fall asleep. Every night when Preslie couldn't get comfortable I would ask Chris to hold her, and he would. Immediately she would lie still, and fall asleep.

Towards the end of our time with Preslie, Chris would talk to her every night in her nursery and explain to her that she needed to come out and enjoy all that we had for her. He would take her on a tour of her room, and turn on the mobile for her to listen too. He would always put his mouth up real close to my stomach and say "Preslie! Come Out!" Every day Chris grew more and more in love with little P, and every morning would ask "Is she going to come today?" In which I would reply "Nope I think she wants to stay in there forever".

When we found out that Preslie had passed, I have never ever in my life seen the pain and agony that Chris went through. All the excitement, all the plans of the future with our little tennis star were shattered. I don't like to think too much about that time, because it was just a terrifying thing.

Despite that fact that we would not be able to take our precious baby home, Chris did everything in his power to make sure we were taken care of. He was by my side the entire time, and cried with me through it all. We shared some emotions that will always be near and dear to my heart. Emotions that couples will only have felt going through a tragedy.

When Preslie was born despite the fact that she wasn't alive, Chris held her like she was. He smiled at her, talked to her, and kept declaring that she was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. Chris took such good care of her after she was born, while I slept. He made sure that his parents got a lot of time with her, as well as my parents. He got Preslie's little footprints stamped on his arm, and he didn't wash his arm for a month before it finally faded.

When Chris blessed Preslie, I had never felt the spirit so strongly. I know that she was there in his arms. I know that she heard every word, and was so proud to have Chris as a Dad. When it was time to say goodbye to her Chris talked to her ever so gently, thanking her for the precious time he and I did have to spend with her. It was such a great spiritual experience.

At many times during that time Chris took on the Father's role even for me. He made sure that when it was time to leave the hospital, things would go as smoothly as they could. He pulled right out front, and helped me get into my empty car. I don't know of any other person who would be so willing to talk at their daughter's funeral. He gave the most amazing talk, and showed how proud he was to be a Father.

Chris frequently visits Preslie's body and reads to her, sings to her and talks to her. Despite her not being here, Chris does everything in his power to make sure she knows how much he loves her. There is not a day that goes by when Chris doesn't pray for her, and Heavenly Father to let her abide with us.

Although Preslie is not here, Chris was anxious to continue building our family. Through all the pain and sadness his faith kept us to move forward. When I doubted that we would get pregnant soon, Chris' faith showed through. Through all of the fear, anxiety and sadness Chris will not let our loss affect our new miracle on the way. He loves baby Ewok like he did Preslie, and he isn't letting the fear take over his faith.

I know that our children are honored and proud to have Chris as their Dad. I have heard many people say: "It takes 2 wonderful people to give birth to a celestial being". As time goes forward the more I feel that is true. That Chris and I were chosen to carry such an elect spirit. Although the sadness and pain is still there, we know that we did all that we can.

Chris I love you beyond words. You faith and testimony keeps me going. I am so blessed and grateful that you came up to me on the metro 3 years ago, and that I get to be with you forever. I know that Preslie is with you today, and that she loves you. She is proud of your hard work, diligence, faith, and courage. I know that there will be rough times ahead, but I know that together we can get through anything. I love you my Pher. Love, Rylie

Moving, Boise, and Baby P

The past few weeks have been crazy. We decided to move a few streets over into a more safe neighborhood. We found a really cute condo a few houses down from our friends in the ward. We spent all of last week packing and moving. I wanted to have everything done before I left for Idaho, but unfortunatly that didn't happen. I left Chris in a new house with a ton of boxes. I felt awful, but I have married the most wonderful man. He has not complained once, and has everything all put together and organized. Chris and Chew have been having a great time as bachelors while I have been gone.

I arrived in Boise Saturday night, and have been having a great time with my family. Monday I went on a 3 mile walk with my Mom, and then played tennis for 2 hours. I have not wanted to play tennis much since Preslie has died, but it felt so good to hit again. Later that day I decided to lay out by the pool...without sunscreen. Who would have thought that being pregnant "magnifys" your skin? What started as a nice purple/redish color, has trasformed into hundreds of blisters. Yes Mom and Chris, I learned my lesson.

While being in Idaho I have had a lot of time to think about Preslie. I was able to talk briefly with one of my Moms greatest friends after an enrichment on Tuesday, which really inspired me. She lost her first daughter many years ago, and seeing her now 9 children later she is just amazing. I told her if I could turn out half as great as she is then i'll be okay. She told me that what has happened to her has been the greatest blessing. She is an amazing Mother, example and teacher. I told her "I cannot look back these past 8 months and say that losing Preslie was a blessing, but I know down the road I will see it."

The hole in my heart aches for Preslie today, but I know she is near. Especially when I need her the most, she is with me. I can't wait to see her smile at me one day. That is my heaven.