Silent Night

Today we went up to visit Preslie's tomb. We decided that we would make an effort to go up before we left for California and Idaho, since we would not be able to go on the 2 month mark. We thought that for Christmas we would write her letters from Chris and I, and put them in a little stocking to take up there.

I thought that it would get easier to visit with each passing time, but it was still just as difficult. I stood there thinking of how I would do anything to be able to take her home and hold her. She is just too beautiful and perfect to not be here with us. Chris and I decided to sing "Silent Night" before we left, and we felt the spirit so strong. We know that Preslie is sleeping in heavenly peace, and we will one day be able to hold her again.

A wonderful family sent me this poem, and I have thought of it a lot these past few days. How great it is to know that our baby is spending Christmas with our savior. The true reason for the season.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees round the world below,
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular. Please wipe away your tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to here the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away… we’re really not apart.
So be happy for my loved ones, you know I hold you dear.
Be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my own undying love.
After all, love is the gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as our father said to do.
For I can’t count the blessings or the love he has for each of you.
So have a merry Christmas and wipe away your tears.
Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Author unknown

This would have been Preslie's first Christmas, and we will miss her so terribly. It's nice to know that she is our angel, and is with us in spirit.

Preslie's name in the sand

Preslie Quinn Martin
Born Into Heaven 10/22/2008

You will forever be our first daugther,
and will always be in our hearts. We love you Baby "P".
Till we meet again, Mommy and Daddy


A true example of an angel here among us, does the service of writing lost children's names in the sand by where she lives in Australia. It brought tears to my eyes to see my little Preslie's name. Thank you so much Carly.

You can check out Preslie's name and message at:
http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/search?q=Preslie

Empty

I knew today would be especially difficult being my 6-week check-up. Chris had a final at 9:00 this morning, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it alone. I asked Erika if she would go with me, and was so glad she was able to. Walking up the stairs to the office I could feel the emotion rising up inside of me. I took a deep breath and we went in, only to find out that I was not meeting with my doctor. I was meeting with the nurse practitioner. I had a rush of emotions and thoughts go through my head, as I waited to be called back. "Why was I not meeting with my doctor?" "Is she to ashamed to meet with me?" "Why after this happening would she not want to see me?"

They called me back to be weighed, and we walked past the non-stress test room. I could feel the tears starting to come to my eyes, but luckily I was able to pull it together for a little while. While waiting for the NP Erika and I talked about the Twilight series. It felt like I was waiting forever, although I am sure it was only about 15 minutes. The NP came in and gave her sincere condolences and went along with the check up. As I laid there I couldn't help but think back of all the times I laid there listening to little Preslie's heartbeat, and the excitement I had for her to come. Never in all of those times did I worry that when I went back for my 6-week check-up Preslie would not be there with me.

It was so hard to leave there without feeling completely empty inside. I am so grateful to Erika for being there with me on this really hard day. I could not have done it alone.

Chris and I were told that you have to go through the hard things once, then it slowly gets a little easier. I am hoping when I go back in a few weeks, it will be a little easier.

The Littlest Christmas Tree

This year we decided that it would be too hard to put up our Christmas tree, or any decorations. We had hopes and plans of how we envisioned Christmas with Preslie, and we figured that the Christmas decorations and tree would be a constant reminder of what we don't have. After the difficulty of Thanksgiving we were trying to avoid Christmas at all costs. It wasn't until 3am this morning we decided that Preslie wouldn't want us to sit in our misery, so we put up a little tree. Chris bought it for the future kids last Christmas. This year it is Preslie's tree, and we decorated it with all the Disney Princesses, Ratatouille, The Incredibles, Star Wars, and other kid ornaments we have. Although it was really hard to put it up, we felt a lot of peace.

Every year during Christmastime we chose something we are going to give to Jesus. I kept thinking about it this year, and kept thinking "I already gave something this year." We decided that we are going to follow our tradition, and find something we can do this December to bring us closer to the Savior. We hung an empty little stocking above the Christmas tree, where we will put what we are going to give the Savior.

We hope that we will find more comfort and peace this Christmastime, and that things will start to look better for us.